My kids get excited each birthday when they get to turn another year older. The day after the party is over, they are looking forward to the big celebration for the next year and shouting out decorative themes they would like. Then, Annalise is always telling me what isn't fair in her young age and how she wishes she was just older. Allison brags when we talk about the upcoming birth of her baby brother because she gets BIGGER when he is born!
Remember those days? The days when our highest levels of stress were not getting the same amount of ice cream in our bowl as our sibling. Or we experience those huge disappointments of not being allowed to attend a friend's sleepover because my parents didn't know her parents. I never understood that one. If I like her then her parents must be okay, right? So unfair!
CAN WE GO BACK TO THAT??!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm guessing most of us have had that conversation a time or a dozen about the "good ole' days" and how we miss being young and innocent. And now we are BIG people and have responsibilities that just don't seem as fun as we thought they would be when we were younger.
But here is my real issue...
I know that this adult thing is hard and what we go through day to day is tough stuff...but the things I have been seeing and experiencing seem way beyond what my parents dealt with. Was I that naive??? Did they hide it well??? Did I just miss it or not care because I couldn't leave focus from my kickball game outside???
Or is it that the things happening in my world today are of greater magnitude than what my parents dealt with?
Even looking back 5 years ago, before my girls were in school, things didn't seem this crazy. Our trials were different. Is spanking okay? Do I send my kid to school? Does my friend think I am too much? Etc. Etc. Etc.
These last several months have been such an incredibly emotional time in my life...not only in my mine, but my friends, family, and my church. My family is walking through some hard stuff, and recently, there are devastating and sad situations happening all around my community and loved ones. As much as I have been rejoicing in the victory of what the Lord has miraculously done in my family and continues to do, more and more heartache is occurring outside of these four walls. It seems each time the phone rings or an email comes through, there is another hardship that someone I love is going through. And they are not "little" things. I know too many lives that are becoming so busy with work and necessary responsibilities that can't be helped that quality time together is lost. People are living in the same household and are drifting apart. Communication is a struggle. Stress is high. Families are experiencing major financial strains. The resources to manage bills and mortgages are being taken away from either job loss, cost of living, repaying debt, increasing gas, food, and insurance prices and more. Sinful and selfish choices are destroying relationships. Marriages are severely struggling. Children are rebellious. Long and meaningful friendships are dealing with the loss of a closeness they once had, due to a move, family schedules, life differences, or a sad growing apart. Churches are experiencing difficult changes and transitions. Relatives and loved ones are dying...some sooner than we ever thought would go. And sadly, the list goes on...
Many of these situations are very close to home for me, some include me, while most just bring such sorrow to my heart and I hurt for the ones around me who are hurting. And just like in my own situations, as much as I want to understand it, stop it, change it, and fix it, I can't. I have to let go and allow my Savior to intervene and do what He does best. Jesus is still continually teaching me so much about allowing the pain, enduring the hardships, working through the challenges, and accepting the outcome. And as much as I don't do it well, I have come a long way. And ask that He continues to direct me. I just prefer to pick up my feet and let Him carry me through.
I have had to let go of ME. And then, I found I had to let go of ME again...and again...and again.
There are times when I have had, not only a responsibility, but a a heartfelt desire to restore relationships broken by me with surrender, hard work, confession and asking for forgiveness, facing things head on when it wasn't easy, taking time to share with those my story in hopes to show them a light at the end of the tunnel, other times when I encouraged friends to forgive when they were sinned against, and those times when I have felt a tugging in my heart to help someone else in need, pray with, bring a meal, give a hug, cry on the phone with and walk with them through their own pain and trials. Then there are those times times when I am given confirmation by the Father to wait...to LET GO. After pursuit and not seeing the results I long for and/or my loved ones long for, I wait patiently (or try to) and pray for those who are hurting. I cry out to the Lord for a positive outcome and hope that in due time that full healing will take place in every situation around me and those that involve me.
Ultimately, I pray that Jesus is the CENTER...the center of my universe...and the focus of all those I love and am close to. No matter the outcome, we worship, we seek, learn, and grow.
And so I wait...not-so patiently.
And I hurt...in many areas deserving it.
And I grieve with those around me...wishing there was more I could do.
And I hope that I continue to seek HIM and not miss HIS ultimate message in my pain.
Jesus, I pray for my family, my friends (and foes), my community, my church, my nation, and my world. May we all turn our eyes to you in these tough times. I pray we let go of ourselves and find true peace in the midst of our pain. May we long to see and rejoice in the fruition of your perfect plan.
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