According to dictionaries, wikipedia, and others opinions -"Community" includes a wide spectrum of those who officially belong. One sense of community can refer to those friendships within a certain close proximity to each other. Another drastic definition can take you all the way to those listed as your hundreds or maybe thousands of people on Facebook that you call "friends." Maybe that is your community. What do I want to call MY community?
OK, so bear with me, I am processing as I write. This may be more about me getting some things out than actually waiting for the process to take place and then sharing what I learned. You get to watch me during the grueling experience. Hold on tight! With a life as chaotic and busy as mine, and a life that is always trying to simplify, how can I adequately keep up with all of my friends. It's tough just trying to stay connected to those I live life with in my neighborhood, family, or church. So, where do I draw the line?
And that brings me to my next question..."what is friendship?" Wow, that's a tough one! I definitely have messed this one up in every way possible and will never define this one correctly (at least by my terms). But, after many terrible choices, let downs, failures, and backstabbings I have done in my past, I sure would like to do this one right (or at least 99% better)! I will never be perfect...and no friend will ever have the ability to be. We can try as hard as we may but we will fail to meet expectations. We will misunderstand. We will misread. We will make assumptions. I am guilty of this guessing game with my friends and unfortunately, I have fell victim to many false accusations about me. We just aren't perfect. So, who are these friends? Who are the ones we share our life with? When are we spreading ourselves too thin and over prioritizing by including too many and neglecting those closest to us?
My rambling is getting bad. And my questions are adding up.
The last few weeks have been terribly difficult. I have had some ups and downs. I have cried with others over their pain. And I have shed countless tears myself in the sadness and struggles going on in my own world. Do I always share this with my community? And who is my community again? Who do I hold close enough and trust? (Sorry...there goes the questions again).
Sadly, I am overwhelmed by many events over the past week that have compelled me to blog my questions and concerns. I have seen many friendships torn apart by misunderstandings which I believe happen because we have lost the true sense of community. We share info to the world via social networks in short form. We get info from "a friend of a friend." We talk...too much. We "read" into too many things. We don't ask questions. We make assumptions...ON BOTH SIDES. This has not only happened in some of my closest friends lives, but mine own as well. How do we keep these things from happening?
Unfortunately, no matter how well we play the "friend" role, I don't know that we will ever be able to fully keep these things from happening. But I bet we sure could minimize some of the issues and/or at least attempt to work things out through a loving conversation when hurt happens. Friends will always disappoint. Some disappointments are a crazy understatement. Does it have to stay disappointing? Do we need to harbor anger? Or shall we try and "figure them out" while sitting back and simply observe from a safe distance? Absolutely NOT!
People change. Communities come and go. Do you believe this? I know I do!
I have changed. Some of it brought about by nothing other than a supernatural miracle. And some changes that required hard work, prayer, and an inseparable relationship with Jesus. I have witnessed miracles in others lives. I have seen hard work done. I have seen Jesus at work. And who can deny that? Nothing is impossible!
Honestly, I am in no way in any condition to tell you what a friend should be like. I have destroyed that too many times and continue to pick up pieces and learn from my mistakes. And I can't tell you who YOUR community should be. However, let's encourage one another to love in the midst of pain. Let's be purposeful in our relationships. Let's avoid making assumptions or gossiping to get our information. Let's avoid peeking in and trying to figure someone out by social networking sites. Let's be careful of what we say that leads others to even question our motive. Let's choose our community wisely and share with those closest to us if you want to avoid controversy. Choose your words carefully. Pray, ask Jesus to help you to discern the healthiest way to get your information out there. Does it all need to be shared? Does it then need to be judged?
So, has my stance on Facebook changed? Nope! My personal opinion is still the same. I still don't have an account. And I don't need one. Now, do I still have a problem with checking out my husband's page to see "what is happening?" YES. Is it addicting? YES. Have I tried to decipher how one is "doing" by checking out their page, posts, and comments? YES MA'AM I have. Has some of my frustrations, tears, regrets, questions, come from what I see on Facebook? YES YES YES!
I know that I am not the only one. And I also know that some of you can do just fine with Facebook and not suffer the agony that I have put myself through with it. You may never spend too much time there. You may only visit pages of those you want to love and encourage. You may be one that enjoys a few jokes from time to time that are shared or read. In fact, you may have found a friend that you thought you lost years ago. Or you may be one like me that needs to stay away from it. Just be cautious of what your motive is while using social networking sites. Make conscious choices to make that "community" a safe one. Manage how much time you allow yourself to browse and talk to "friends." Be sensitive to others.
I know this post is lengthy. Remember, this is me processing and you joining in. I don't know if my opinions or questions will change drastically after time, but I am willing to be molded. I am willing to do things that are uncomfortable. And apparently willing to make others uncomfortable or upset by sharing my thoughts and convictions. But, don't forget that these are questions for me. You need to come up with your own questions and find your own conclusions based upon what the Lord is telling you in your life. However, I do like to raise awareness and concern based upon my dealings and sufferings that could help someone else. Don't ever stop asking Him to direct you and make changes when necessary.
Soooooo.... the answer to my community question...for now... I am choosing to start with my family. Family is ALWAYS first when I think of community. My home and the people here need to be the most important. After that, the community can change. I do need to reign it in at times. I need to call on the ones who love me, can challenge me (even when I don't agree), the friends who "know" me, the ones who hurt me and are forgiven, and more importantly, the ones who I have hurt and have forgiven me. I want to walk life with those who choose to make this walking worth it! I want to grow. I don't just want info. I want to LIVE LIFE with them. I want us to walk the journey of laughing, crying, learning, hurting, forgiving, growing, and LIVING!
My posts from this point forward will no longer be applied to Jarrett's FB page. I hope that if you are not subscribed and "just peeking in" through Facebook, that you would subscribe to the blog via email or RSS feed. I am not trying to make hundreds of friends through the blog. I am no longer trying to let "others" see how I am doing so their questions can be answered. I am blogging because I love it! I do want to share my life with my community. Facebook is NOT my community. However, if you are challenged or enjoy reading, feel free to subscribe. Many posts will include family pictures which may bore some of you. But many share my thoughts, groanings, and things I am learning on my journey.
Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times..."
Blessings, Jaime
